Action Figures & Their Beers - Conssstrictions may apply

by Beedo Sookcool
on 2017-09-27, 16:21:18

CWTCH

Another Tiny Rebel offering, this is a 4.6% ABV Welsh red ale. If you’re wondering about the name, “Cwtch (rhymes with butch) can mean either cuddle or cubbyhole,” according to the beer’s own page. (Yes, Welsh is a language where W is a vowel. And why not? U is a vowel. W should be doubly vowelly. And believe me, Welsh is a language where you need as many vowels as you can get.) There are few figures in my collection who would be better at cuddling than the Snake Men’s resident constrictor, MOTU Classics Sssqueeze. The label even contains matching green and purple swirls!

The website boasts that this beer has “Six caramelly malts and three citrussy American hops.” And, yeah, you get a bit of caramel with the malts, which are actually more stout-like in nature and therefore taste somewhat more burnt, like cinder toffee. Plus, the sour hoppiness kicks in the millisecond you’re finished taking a sip. Also, it aftertastes a bit . . . I dunno . . . rusty? It was a nifty experiment, but not really my thing. Still, it’s got “Supreme Champion Beer of Britain 2015” on the label, so there must be something in it that a bunch of people like. Just not me.

Anyway, as a side note, that accessory of Sssqueeze’s was a topic of much debate in the couple of MOTU forums I would visit. We couldn’t quite figure out what it was supposed to be. In the Vintage figure, it was called a “pet snake” (it even had the quotation marks around the description), and could be wrapped around his arm. This time around . . . well, the ideas were numerous. It’s a hefty club with Aztec design influences. It’s a blaster, firing lasers from its eyes. It’s a human-prod with a taser tongue (Taser-Face!). The tail is a hook for tripping up enemies and such. It’s a walking stick / pimp cane. It’s a battering ram. In the end, it was decided it was all of these things and more: a completely badass Snake Army Knife of a weapon, more powerful than any other in the universe. And, thanks to a moment of inspired genius from fellow forumer dayraven, it was dubbed The Ssssshhhillelagh.

Drink this if you also like: Stouts, sour IPAs, and red ales. All in the same glass.