Action Figures & Their Beers - Lemony & Persnickety

by Beedo Sookcool
on 2012-01-17, 03:50:52

Today, we conclude the Animée miniseries with their final variety. And I’ve got to say, I’m not sorry to see the back of them. Only sold in four-packs, I had to drink my way through twelve bottles and three flavours of these things. Some of the bottles I couldn’t even finish, they were so nasty. But at least this last kind wasn’t actually disgusting . . . .

ANIMÉE LEMON

The Lemon Animée is by far the best of the three varieties, but that’s like saying that the small female baboon which is tearing out your hair with its bare hands is nicer than the huge alpha male baboon who’s eviscerating you with his enormous fangs while you watch. The lemon flavour is crisp and prominent, and largely covers up the chemical tinge, but not completely. As the only Animée beer flavour I would consider putting in my mouth more than once (but won’t), it gets teamed up with the Animé witch of similar quality, the Goth-Chickish Millennial Evil-Lyn.

In summation, all these Animée brews have a disgusting but indefinable taste to them. Greeata has suggested that it might be some kind of artificial sweetener (to further heighten the alco-pop similarity). That certainly sounds plausible, as my palate is very sensitive to the nasty-tasting artificial sweeteners they’ve been developing in recent years, starting with Aspartame. The labels say that these drinks are “naturally flavoured,” though. So I’m at a loss for an explanation. Even if you are one of the fortunate who can’t detect artificial sweeteners as a horrible oily-metal aftertaste, avoid the Animée range of “beers,” because they still suck rancid dewback poop.

Drink these if you also like: Sexual dimorphism in comestibles. Perfume right out of the bottle, licking postal glue, or pure cactus squeezings. Masochism. To paraphrase The Last Dalek, “This is not beer . . . this is sickness.”