Action Figures & Their Beers — It All Went Pear-Shaped

by Beedo Sookcool
on 2021-05-27, 22:13:40

SAMUEL SMITH'S ORGANIC PERRY

Okay, let's get one thing straight before I tell you exactly how great this drink is, and why you should try to get a few bottles. I don't care what the label in the picture below says, it's not "pear cider." Cider is made from apples. You make pears into perry. You call it "pear cider," you might as well say ridiculous, meaningless things like "tuna bird" or "horsefront riding."

Okay, having gotten that rant out of my system, I'm going to start off the actual review by saying that I just don't like perry very much. It was extremely thoughtful of Greeata to get me a bottle of something from my homeland for my birthday last year, it's just that perry generally isn't my bag . . . but that changed with this bottle.

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Imagine your first beer being Coors Light. Okay, you can stop imagining that, now. It'll be okay. Then imagine that remembering that disappointing taste kept you from trying any more beer at all for over a decade. Again, deep breaths; it'll be okay. Then imagine that the next beer you try is a Fuller's Vintage or a Southern Tier Crème Brûlée, and it blew your mind. That's what I experienced with Samuel Smith's Organic Perry. I can't remember what kind of perry I first tried to make me not like it, but this stuff, here . . . this stuff is amazing.

It tastes like champagne. Good champagne, not that fizzy battery-acid stuff. Good champagne that has been mixed with sweet fruit juice. It's 550 mL (18.6 fl. oz.) of 5.0% ABV lip-smacking, mouth-watering deliciousness. And it's also great for stewing apples and pears and raisins and figs and spices and sugar in, if you've found, for example, an English recipe for apple pie that dates back to friggin' 1381, and you want to try it out, but you turn it into a stewed fruit dessert because you and your wife are trying to cut out bread and pastry for a little while after back-to-back birthday indulgences, and you could only get one pear from the supermarket.

The blurb on the back label reads: "Dry, sparkling pear cider [Author's Note: Grrrr...!] with glowing pale straw colour, smooth body, and crisp but rich flavour and the gentle aroma of a summer pear orchard. Serving suggestions: blue cheese or gorgonzola; arugula or Waldorf salad; sweet potatoes; pancetta or prosciutto; pear tart. Very nice with dishes featuring ginger. Best served about 44°F (7°C)." Good to know!

The action figure I chose to go along with this beverage is NECA's Kenner Tribute Lasershot Predator. Why? Because both the drink and the toy start with a basically good idea, and then utterly blow you away. The original Lasershot was a deluxe electronic figure released at the very end of the Kenner 1990s line, and I had to resort to a scalper to get mine through a comic book shop middleman, even back then. And it was pretty nifty for the time, with a flashing light, launching missile, and three different battle sounds. But this NECA one? WOW! It takes the original figure, bulks it up, and adds scads of amazing detail, improved paint applications, unbeleivable articulation, extra weapons and nifty ideas the original never had, loads of swappable parts so you can customise the look you want, and a light-up cyborg eyepiece that replicates the Yautjas' triple laser-pointer targeting scopes.

Of course, there are teething problems with NECA Lasershot, because as breathtakingly intricate as their sculpts have been, and as detailed as their paint apps turn out, and as amazing as their ideas are, NECA's quality control is . . . maddeningly inconsistent. The bio-mask on mine doesn't fit exactly right, so I had to pop it in boiling water to reshape it to fit, and carve out a bit around the eye-hole so all three lights could shine out. Also, the one I got had the left arm actually broken off inside the package, because the bicep-swivel peg had snapped somewhere between factory and my front door. But I mentioned this to the online store I got it from [BigBadToyStore], sent a picture along, and I got sent a replacement for free, and it is perfect. Win!

TL;DR version: Go track down some Samuel Smith's Organic Perry and / or a NECA Lasershot Predator. They are outstanding!

Drink this if you also like: Perry, cider, champagne, other fizzy alcoholic fruit drinks.

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BONUS CONTENT! -- WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN

As I mentioned in the second and third paragraphs of the above article, I was not expecting to like this drink at all, let alone love it. So, before I even cracked it open, I actually had another figure lined up to go with it, and started a completely different article, I was so sure I wouldn't enjoy it.

So let us pierce the veil between dimensions, and go to an alternate universe where I don't have facial hair and I'm a good guy, and see what I wrote about a bad version of this beverage . . . .

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The action figure I chose to go along with this beverage is the NECA Ultimate Fugitive Predator, from the 2018 movie The Predator. Why? Because like the perry, it just represents so many minor letdowns, as far as I'm concerned. For starters, I just don't like perry very much. It was extremely thoughtful of Greeata to get me a bottle of something from my homeland for my birthday a couple of months back, but it's just not my bag. Then you look at the 2018 movie The Predator. Okay, you can look away again. It's okay. It'll be all right. But if you watched that particular cinematic suppository, you'll know exactly what I mean. You go in, not knowing what you'll be getting, but hoping for something enjoyable, and then . . . well, it wasn't that, anyway.

To be fair, the action figure is pretty darned good, like all of NECA's Aliens and Predator figures. It looks exactly like it's supposed to, it has very good articulation, and it has swappable heads, hands, and forearms so you can have him stripped and snarling as he was in the lab, or go battle-ready with the bio-mask and k'icti-pa vambrace blades. But it's a reminder of a pretty naff film, and that's why I paired with with a drink I probably wouldn't go for again.

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Whew! Glad I don't live in that dimension!





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