The Wookiee Roars - Episode 05

by Steve Rensi
on 2021-04-01, 06:52:13

"GALACTIC POSTAL DELIVERY"

Wow, I've been gone for a while.

I was hoping to be a bit more regular in this feature, but to quote some of our favorite scoundrels from a galaxy far, far way, "It's not my fault." In the time since my last Wookiee Roars I have changed career paths. Leaving Lowe's after 8 years, I now work what can only be described as damn near a dream job as the Assistant General Manager of my local Bass Pro Shops.

This week will mark the 20th anniversary of CreatureCantina.com. In one of our recurring CC.com staff zoom calls, we started to recollect on our first CreatureCantina articles. For me, that means taking a special trip down memory lane to Galactic Postal Delivery. Galactic Postal Delivery was action-figure comic I did from my sophomore year of High School through college and roughly a few years pass that. Inspired by the action figure comics in ToyFare, a monthly action figure humor magazine at the time, the basic plot of Galactic Postal Delivery (GPD) was that Han Solo / Chewbacca drunkenly became postal delivery agents/mailmen and the misadventures of their postal route.

(Side note: you can tell I knew nothing about life or anything at the time as I thought it only took 9 beers to get you blacked out drunk... I now know you can safely drink way, way, way more than that depending on much of a man you are...)

When I join PSWCS my freshman year of college, I had already had produced about 7 episodes of GPD and had mentioned it in my introduction email to the club. Bill Cable reached out and said "hey this sounds like something I could post on my website, why don't you share it with me." So I burnt a disc of the finished episodes and sent it off to Cable, and low and behold to the excitement of my high school buddies he published Galactic Postal Delivery, Episode 1: Postal Route on November 26, 2003.

https://www.creaturecantina.com/archive-OldStory.cfm?id=214

Now included in this intro was the following warning: "But be warned - this is a comic strip fit only for publication on CreatureCantina.com. It features adult themes, language, and violence not suitable for small children." Now I would definitely go on to push that warning to the breaking point at times, but in my defense, GPD featured sophomoric humor BECAUSE I WAS A SOPHOMORE WHEN I WROTE IT! MY humor is and always will be darker, edgier, cuttier (if that's a word) because of my comedic influences, but in GPD it was more about laughing at the word "f***" because it was the word "f***" then laughing at the context in which that f*** was deployed. F***ing juvenile honestly.

If published today, GPD definitely would be a subject to cancel culture or "woke" protest and to be frank I would relish in that sort of negative attention. I'm still deeply jealous that Tresob Yr got a nasty email from some hairy feminist and I didn't. DESPITE ME BEST EFFORTS!

https://www.creaturecantina.com/archive-OldStory.cfm?id=1684

Now there are things I pushed a little too far. I definitely regret trying to bring in too much WWF style wrestling and grabbling over just good ol' fashion violence. My portrayal of Lando was supremely homophobic and wrongheaded... would definitely take a more nuanced portrayal if had a chance to do it again. Bringing in Vader as a Dr. Doom-esque stand in was a mistake as well. I definitely was petty and jealous at fellow CC.com staffers at times, when they produced better action figure comics than my low-budget shitshow. But hey, I can grow and admit when I'm wrong from time to time...

https://www.creaturecantina.com/archive-OldStory.cfm?id=1736

I toy with (get it, "toy with" haha, I'm funny) a GPD reboot with new original, or more original characters from time to time. I enjoyed making them and would like another shot at making people laugh with the new combine wisdom of my years. Mostly I appreciate GPD for initially bringing and Cable and I close. I've said it once and I'll say it million more times before I die, that man is my brother and one of my bestest, good friends.

So as I look back with mild nostalgia at Galactic Postal Delivery, I want to leave you with the last GOD I produced and per our Zoom call, I humbly submit for your consideration the most offensive moment of CreatureCantina.com's 20 years...

https://www.creaturecantina.com/archive-OldStory.cfm?id=1715





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