Action Figures & Their Beers – Hail the One True King!

by Beedo Sookcool
on 2017-11-10, 02:40:53

CAN IT BE?! IT IS . . . !

It took me almost nine years and over 180 beer reviews to get here, so I wanted this to be epic. Two iconic Tyrannosaurs flank this week’s lager choice. The Masterpiece version of the leader of the Dinobots, a character who was often heard to claim: “Me, Grimlock, King!” Plus a cloned biological Tyrannosaurus rex, the King of the Tyrant Lizards, represented by “Rexie,” a/k/a “The Big Red Rex” from the original Jurassic Park. What else could it be, but Budweiser, The King of Beers? Image

No, you’re not hallucinating. I’m reviewing Budweiser. But not the Budweiser most of the world is familiar with, the over-hyped “Bud” stuff from Missouri, owned and produced by the grasping, evil ABInBev ConglomCo MonopolyCorp. (Teensy bit of journalistic bias in that last sentence.) No, this is the original Budweiser, brewed in what is now the Czech Republic for around 700 years. Yes, I typed that correctly. Seven. Hundred. Years.

This stuff was receiving acclaim from people up to and including European royalty (hence its nickname “The King of Beers”) nearly a hundred years before a bunch of English people with practically no sense of fun landed at Plymouth Rock. Here is a helpful timeline of Budweiser history. You can probably find much more detailed information online, detailing the outright intellectual property theft that led to “Bud,” with a little bit of searching, should you feel so inclined.

But, for legal-weasel reasons, this lager must be sold as “Czechvar” in the USA. If you see some, and you want to try Real Budweiser, this is the beer to buy. Is it a spectacular, life-changing experience? Not really, not compared to a bunch of the other craft beers I’ve reviewed over the years. Is it better than “Bud”? Well, I definitely think so, and so do a lot of other beer fans around the world, so it’s worth a shot, certainly.

What’s Budweiser actually like? Well, imagine “Bud,” only drier. For the sake of empirical dipsomania, I tried some “Bud” once, a few years back. The rest of the four-pack was then relegated to slug and snail control in the garden. It was comparatively sweet and watery and just . . . nothing special, really. It smelled okay, as far as beers go, but was barely above Coors in my esteem, and don’t get me started on them again! The Real Budweiser* has the same basic flavour profile as “Bud.” But it isn’t as sweet. It isn’t as watery-feeling in your mouth. It’s richer, tastier, crisper, and overall more satisfying in every possible way. Open your eyes to the truth, open your wallet for a few bottles, open your mouth for the beer, and open your mind and heart to what Budweiser actually is, and has been for centuries.

* “The Real Budweiser” sounds like it needs to be a 1980s cartoon, competing against another “Budweiser” cartoon. We could get Dave Coulier to do the voice of the lion from the Bud?jovice seal.

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